Duck Duck Cougar?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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