Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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