Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
