Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Randomize
