That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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