The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
