I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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