thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
