I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I think my fart just growled at me.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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