She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Randomize
