I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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