Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
