My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
