we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
