I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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