TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
