and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Randomize
