Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
