I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
