I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
