K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Randomize
