like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
