I faked an abortion last night.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
