you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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