I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
