last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
