he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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