I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
