ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
