Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Randomize
