i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Randomize
