chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
