Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
