My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
