areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
