there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
