I heard we made out
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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