Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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