Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
be right there i have to get my cape
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
