Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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