I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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