I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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