Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
