Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
