4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
