he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
