i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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