I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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