its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
