Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Randomize
