I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
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