Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Randomize
