and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
