I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
