I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Randomize
