Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
